Remember how I told you guys I was strengthening my relationship with no? Well, my brother might be able to teach a Masterclass on honouring one’s “no” and I’m happy I get to witness it firsthand and learn from him. 

My brother recently got offered an amazing opportunity. He’s deserving of it. He works hard. The opportunity is one that many would jump at because it’s a pretty big deal. A pivotal moment in one’s life. 

Yet, he’s opted to turn it down. He didn’t turn it down because of imposter syndrome or because he’s scared of showing up for the opportunity. He turned it down because it didn’t align. It’s not a visceral yes and therefore, it’s a no.

He’s clear that he put in the work and this opportunity is one of the fruits of his labour. However, as grateful as he is for this fruit, it’s not something he wants for himself. He said “I’ve turned down opportunities like this before and life has still worked out for me.”

Now, Tribe, there’s big power in that statement. Too many times we don’t turn down opportunities or walk away from things because we can’t see how life will work out for us beyond the no.

To tap into the power of our no is a deeply transformative experience because saying no requires a level of faith that even if I don’t go down this path, things will work in my favour.

Personally, I love to say “YES” to life. I’m this big multi-faceted being who wants to take up space and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that desire. Saying yes to my big multifaceted life means also being able to say “NO” to things that keep my life one-dimensional or don’t feel right.

I have a history of saying “yes” to things that didn’t feel 100% right because I was scared of the path my “no” would lead me down. However, do you know what I’ve come to learn about that? Every single time something wasn’t a visceral yes, there came a point I had to walk away from it and eventually choose “no.”

Every. Single. Time.

I’ve done it when it came to jobs, relationships and lots of other arenas of my life and I’m sitting here asking myself - why is it that I do that to myself?

I’ve been taught not to honour my no, not to honour my gut feeling, not to honour my intuition. You’ve probably been taught that as well. There is so much messaging around that out there.

I remember distinctly when I said “no” to jumping into being a lawyer after law school, I dealt with so many people telling me I was making a stupid decision and that I was wasting my life when truthfully, I had never felt more fulfilled running shopzoemercedes.com full time.

“…I often don’t know what I want but I always know what I don’t.” - my brother.

That caused me to think about how often not knowing what you want is categorized as inherently bad. As children, we spend so much of our time being asked - “what do you want to be when you grow up?” and by high school, we should already have chosen subjects that align with who we want to be as adults and when we don’t know - everyone around us says “hunker down and choose something.”

But can you imagine if we decided to tap into the knowledge of what doesn’t imbue us with a sense of conviction and made decisions from that place? I see a world of possibilities there.

I witnessed a sea turtle try to nest recently and she would start digging and then she’d stop because that space wasn’t good enough for her. It wasn’t good enough for her to lay her eggs. She tapped into her no.

In saying no, she’s trusting that there does exist a place for her to lay her eggs that will be suitable for them and give them the best chance at success.

By saying no, she’s choosing to not merely accept what’s given to her. She’s choosing to explore, to go again and to try new things.

She knows what she doesn’t want in a nest and each time she’s presented with that, she chooses her no and moves on with a conviction that the right opportunity exists for her.

Can you learn from my brother and this sea turtle? I know I am.

I want you to know that what you want vs don’t want can shift over time and that’s okay. Change is the only constant.

Lastly, this isn’t me saying to focus all your energy on what you don’t what want but to use that knowledge of what isn’t in alignment and let that guide you towards what it is that aligns with what you want.

For a deeper connection than the written word, follow me on Instagram: zoe.mercedes